How To Break Up With a KPOP Group

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Do you know what it feels like to love something so much it hurts? Like your whole life revolves around this one thing and it’s eating you up slowly but surely? Have you ever cried over loving something because you can’t even control yourself anymore?

I have a confession to make. And I know this will raise a lot of eyebrows.

Probably you read my post about how much I love Super Junior. If you haven’t, that’s fine. In that post, I could only talk about how positively loving SJ had an effect in my life, but in truth, it wasn’t that way.

See, I was obsessed with Super Junior in a way some die-hards can probably relate to.

It didn’t begin that way. At first, I didn’t like Super Junior at all. I found it silly that they had 13 members. I thought the idea of it was incredibly laughable. In fact, I didn’t really like KPOP at all. But then they entered my life just. Like. That.

You can say I was doomed the moment I started listening to their songs.

There was something about Super Junior. It could be their incredible sense of humor or their catchy tunes. It could be that each and every single member had a story to tell, and you just had to find out what they had in store for you. I could be that they loved their fans so much that you couldn’t help but reciprocate back.

I don’t really know anymore. Honestly, I don’t regret loving Super Junior. It wasn’t their fault that I hurt myself in the process.

It’s been more than half a year since I decided to stop being an ELF. And looking back, it feels a little surreal.

I swore that I’ll stick around for them until the end of my days. I said that all I could feel for them was “love”. I cried for these boys. When they cry, I cry. When they laugh, I laugh. When they hurt, I hurt. I hurt so much.

The enlistment of Heechul only magnified whatever hurt I was feeling. I knew I was already beyond my limit. I couldn’t live a day without Super Junior. Sometimes even my studies were affected. I’d rather watch their variety shows and read posts about them than study. And that said a lot about my priorities. I’m a nursing student, so studying should have been my priority. But this “love” I felt prevented me from doing so. What is love? It’s supposed to bring out the best in you. Sure, I was happy to be an ELF. But did it bring out the best in me? Certainly not. If anything, I knew I could’ve done better in school if I weren’t an ELF.

When Ms. Happee Sy (of Pulp Productions, the one who did SS2 and SS3 in the Manila) announced that there wouldn’t be an SS4 in Manila, I was broken. I felt like they shattered all my dreams. I was relying so much in them because I needed to see Super Junior. It was painful knowing that they would shower so much love to other ELFs (something that I thought I needed, I craved that love) but I wouldn’t be able to feel it. Watching the fancams was simply torture. But since I was obsessed, I didn’t care if it hurt. I had to see everything about Super Junior, even if it meant me staying up late at night (I had classes at 7 in the morning) or not even sleeping at all. It was all about Super Junior. I lived for them.

Probably what brought me to the edge and slapped me in the face was the moment Siwon tweeted that he’d be in Manila for New Years. Along with him was Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun. It was shocking. In fact, I can only recall how much I felt like dying the moment I read his tweet (click here for my fanaccount). The worst part was that I wasn’t able to see them. It would’ve been fine because I’ve already seen them before.

But what ruined it all for me was that my friends, my fellow ELFs, who started talking about how awesome the whole experience of seeing them upclose was. It was a high for them, I’m sure. And I was happy for them. But every single word they said and their excited eyes only made it worse for me. I was jealous, and I withdrew from their talks because I hated the fact that all they could talk about was their experience. They didn’t seem to care that it was hurting me. I never spoke about how much it did, because I didn’t want to ruin it for them. If I were there, I would’ve felt the same thing, I thought. But still, I was hurting. I loved Super Junior. I did. Every single member was precious to me. It didn’t matter if it were just one member or 15 of them. The fact that I wasn’t able to see them because I couldn’t (the circumstances didn’t let me), broke my heart into pieces. And hearing it being said everyday since then pushed me to realize how stupid I’ve been.

Then suddenly I decided that it was time I stopped. It was a difficult decision for me, but I knew that I had to do it. I said, it didn’t have to be that I would stop being a fan completely. I just had to cleanse myself and so I did. Eventually, during that so-called “cleanse”, I realized that I didn’t need Super Junior that much in my life. Slowly, I removed them. It all began with unfollowing them on Twitter to erasing all my pictures and videos of them from my gadgets. In the end, I stopped being a fan. I don’t know when I did, but all I know is that one day I was an ELF, then the next day, it was like whatever they did stopped fazing me. After a month or two, Super Junior became nothing but a KPOP group to me. The title “ELF” was gone from my system.

Maybe if that faithful day didn’t happen, I would still be an ELF today. I don’t know. God moves in mysterious ways. I’m a devout Catholic, but for almost 2 years I worshipped someone else than He. Because of that, He did what he does. So even if that day didn’t happen, I’m sure that He wouldn’t allow me to stray too far from his path. May it be days after or years after, He would’ve stopped me from being an ELF. And I thank Him a lot for that. For making me realize how bad loving Super Junior was for me.

Truthfully, I have a lot more experiences of how much SJ hurt me. They made me happy, more happy than sad, for sure. So I never hated Super Junior after that. Slowly, I started realizing how much I defended them from their mistakes and why other people simply disliked this member or the whole group. They made a lot of mistakes, but I looked at them with so much affection I failed to see how wrong they were. But still, despite that I have nothing but respect for the group. They’re amazing. And they continue to be amazing.

So now, I opened my eyes to other fandoms, and now I’m in a different one. I’m officially an Inspirit. But that’s a different story. :)

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(OH MY FEELS FOR THIS MACRO. SIWON I STILL LOVE YOU LOL)

Now I’m not saying it’s bad to be a fan of Super Junior or any other group, for that matter. But sometimes you have to see that obsession is a lot different from love. If you’re obsessed with a group, it’s time to move on to different things.

Think of how much time you’re wasting looking up pictures of your bias, and how much more you can do outside the house. You could learn a new sport or take up a new hobby and develop yourself. Rather than facing the computer and gaining pounds, you can go out and make friends. Virtual friends (or online friends) are great, but nothing beats a conversation with a person face to face.

So how do you know you’re obsessed with a KPOP group?

10 signs and symptoms you’re obsessed with a KPOP group:

1. You spend majority of your time on the net looking up that group

2. All you can seem to talk about is that group (or your bias) and talking about other topics bore you

3. You have more than 500 pictures of this group

4. You feel like you need to buy everything that this group puts out (albums, posters, stickers etc.) even if it means saving your allowance and not buying food

5. You feel like you love this group more than yourself

6. You have cried for this group in more than 5 occasions because of some random reason (a member is sick or members are fighting)

7. You cry because you feel like they’re taking over your life but you can’t do anything about it

8. You stay up ‘til the wee hours just watching their variety shows

9. You don’t study for a test or exam… yet you know every single thing about this group and the members and what they’re doing or what their schedule is

10. You’re reading this blog post and are relating to what I’m saying

If you think you’re obsessed. Stop. It might be hard at first, but it’s not impossible. Remember those days before you became a fan? You weren’t born a (insert fandom name here), but a rational human being who can make choices.

STEPS ON HOW TO BREAK UP WITH A KPOP GROUP
(or any other international fandom like the Beliebers or Directioners)

STEP ONE: REFLECT

Do they affect your life in a positive or negative way? In my case, it was mostly negative. My grades dropped and my social life revolved mostly school and fandom. But if they serve as a positive inspiration for you and make your life better, then why stop being a fan? Sometimes it’s nice to be a fan of something, especially if it makes you a better person.

STEP TWO: CLEANSE

Once you’ve made yourself reflected and realized how negative being a fan of this group is affecting your life (in any way whatsoever), it’s time to cleanse. This is the most important part of the whole thing. The moment you start cleansing is the first step to breaking up. My cleansing time was 2 weeks. I began with unfollowing them on Twitter (since Twitter was my main platform for online communication), then I started deleting pictures and videos. Remove bits of them from your life one by one. Maybe if you spend a lot of time at home, you can start by removing their posters or clearing your shelves of any fandom paraphernalia you own (like lightsticks or ballers etc.). You don’t need to throw them away, mind you. But keep them out of sight, so you aren’t tempted to look at them all the time.

STEP THREE: HEAL

As with any breakup, there’s always that one person who’ll be more affected than the other. In this case, it’ll be you since the group wouldn’t know you stopped being a fan in the first place (unless like you have a contact with them or know them personally lol). So as you erase them from your system, you heal. You might cry or feel like you still need them in your life. You might be tempted to look them up on the net, or watch their variety shows again. Don’t. Then you’ll have to cleanse all over again and it’ll be more difficult to let go. Just like in a break up. One has to move on to better things. Keep yourself busy. If you can’t ignore them because you still go on sites like Allkpop, then go back to step two and add KPOP to the list of things you need to cleanse yourself off.

STEP FOUR: MOVE ON

You don’t have to stop being a KPOP fan. I never did stop. I moved on to a different group, but I swore I wouldn’t allow myself to be like what I was when I was an ELF. It’s not a crime to love a group. You don’t have to feel guilty or bad when you start taking interest in some other group. In fact, I highly recommend it. Again, relating it to a break up, you should go out and “date” again. The fact that you’ve already passed that phase of obsession, you’ll be less likely (but not impossibly) to fall into the same mistake again.

STEP FIVE: DON’T BE BITTER

Nothing’s worse than a bitter ex. Just because you didn’t have the best experience, you’d start bashing the group. Antis are bitches. You can start putting out your albums, listen to their music and videos and if you want, you can even put up your posters again. Why not? Some posters cost a ton of money after all. But I discourage variety shows. After all, most people start becoming fans when they get to know their idols.

So now you know my story. It’s a bit embarrassing, admitting this. Because in an outsider’s point of view, it looks silly and juvenile. Not many people will understand what you’re going through, especially if they aren’t experiencing what you’re experiencing. It may not be the case for most KPOP fans, but you’re definitely not alone. If you feel the need to talk to someone about this, you can always contact me here, and I’ll be sure to reply to you or maybe if needed, give some advice. You don’t have to go through this alone. :)

If you’re a brave soul, you can even share your story in the comment box below so that others can relate to your story as well. :D

62 thoughts on “How To Break Up With a KPOP Group

  1. I admit, I’ve never had to deal with being emotionally attached to a group. No group has come close to controlling my life and I don’t plan on it. Every now and then I’ll say I consider myself -insert Kpop random name- but truthfully, I don’t mean it. When I look at other fans, I know I don’t have the dedication to that particular group. I hear about them crying when -insert Kpop idol make-up goes to the army and I just can’t bring myself to tears. Why? Because I don’t feel like I’ve every known them. I don’t want to waste my time shedding tears for people I have never known and people who do not know of my existence. But I guess I never become attached to a group. The closest was DBSK as five but after they split, I was done with them. They were just my favorite group of all time, but there was no true emotionally or mental attachment. When I saw them in variety shows, I smiled and laughed when they did but that was all. They didnt make me cry nor did i lose sleep over them. I never attended a concert or saw them in person. But it wasn’t the same without five. But I’ve, like yourself, posted a few posts about that journey. Though it wasn’t the same dedication as you had, it was indeed difficult. But your story was quite touching. I’m sure there are many fans that were like you but aren’t quite sure how to “break up”. But I appluad you for successful doing.

  2. Oh God… this is the story of my life :/
    I became a KPOP fan about three months ago, an ELF about two months ago, and I can honestly say that I’ve noticed it impacting me negatively. I never used to be the type that stays up until the early hours of the morning leaving me exhausted the next day… but watching all of SJ’s variety shows has certainly changed that. Thankfully, I’m still in the early stages of KPOP obsession (I think…), so the cleanse won’t be too hard. At least I hope so.

    Crying over Super Junior, spending endless hours watching their youtube videos, following their every single move, talking about them constantly… I can relate to it all! How sad…

    Anyway, thanks for this post! It really made me think. And yeah, the ELF obsession really isn’t worth it. I hope to still be a fan, just not an obsessed one

  3. IMHO, all we need is discipline. I am an ELF and yes I can relate to your concerns (staying up late, saving money to buy their stuff and yes, I cry too) but it also made me gain so much. I learned a lot from them and I gained so much friends in being a fangirl. We don’t need to really stop from being their fan. We can always trim it down. I did it too. I took the CPA board exam just recently and during the duration of my review, I stopped all my fangirling activities and yes, I was able to survive. I tell you, I’m a huge fan of them, I’m from Cebu but I went to their concert in Manila, and for some good reason, I was in Manila when Siwon, Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun were there. I was able to see them up close. I just want to say that we don’t need to stop being an ELF or a fan of a certain group..just know your limitations. Make your “obsession” into something positive like them being your inspiration. I made them mine. I studied hard so that when I finished studying and earn my own money, it would be easy for me to see them :) It’s a matter of discipline. I just don’t think it is fair for them. They didn’t tell us to do those things and we all know how much they love and appreciate ELFs. From the negative impact we say SJ brought to us, there are still more reasons for the positive ones :)

  4. I agree with the obsession thing… It’s true… I can relate somehow but not entirely.. It’s actually not that bad being a fan.. You just have to know your limits.. When I was starting to become a fan of this group.. At first I was in denial since I also find it silly… having 13 members and such… But it’s my mom who encouraged me to get involved if I want to.. She told me, I should do things that make me happy and not to regret.. She even gave me money to buy tickets for SS3 3D and SJ con…

    But even though my whole family supports me with almost everything, I never let my grades fail.. Guys, just be contented of being HAPPY for them and what you do… That’s more than enough for you not to regret.. Don’t try to get involved to them further more for it will really bring you to obsession… and that way, you might even regret it at the end.. I do believe that one day I’ll lose my interest with this.. but what’s more important is what I feel at the present.. :)

    This blog post is awakening… ^u^ I hope more people read this..

    • Wow, I’m envious that your mom gave you money for that. I wish mine does. XD

      Anyway, I agree on what you said about what’s important is the present because right now, we may be a hardcore fans and just can’t stop what we’re doing but what’s important is that whatever you did, your happy with it. I know that there will be that someday when we will stop being a fan of that certain group because of course we’re growing and becoming an adult so we’ll become busier and eventually forget them. At least that’s what I think.

  5. Thank you so much for posting this. I am at the stage where I need to cleanse. It will be hard though. I feel so silly saying this, but honestly, your post gave me courage to stop being an obsessed fan. I want to like some groups, because of their music and mvs and stuff, and not be in l

    • In love with them. My comment got cut short >_<. Anyways, I agree with you, I think variety shows and reality shows are what make you start to become in love and obsessed with them. Anyways~~~ I want to thank you again! Xoxo

  6. I pretty much understand what you’re going through right now. I even squeal after you said that you became an Inspirit because I’m a hardcore Inspirit ♥. But I don’t let myself be distracted by them especially during major exams, I think all we need is discipline and limitations. Just like you, I prefer to just watch their variety shows than study but what I’ll think is that I have to study and get some work so that I will be able to go to korea or any other countries and watch every concert they will make. Just like that. Hehe. Although sometimes I’ve thought that I should stop this because it seems that my world is owned by them. I’d prefer talking about Infinite, biases and etc. But the best thing that K-pop has brought to me was happiness, contentment… I don’t know but we have different ideas and interest. There are always those people who like and doesn’t like k-pop. But in my case, K-pop made my life colorful. I gain a lot of friends because of that. I don’t think that we really have to stop being a fangirl because for me, I can’t dare to delete EVERY Infinite files that I have. I can’t even dare to delete just ONE picture. So yeah, let’s just make our ‘obsession’ into a positive one. We can do it if we have the right attitude and knows to limit ourselves.

  7. You has just told my story x.x And it was the same for me when they came to Peru and I just ouldn’t go and no one realized how it hurted me..every single story they would say about the concert and how awesome it was…

    I’m no longer an ELF… I think I’ll be losing friends vecause of that…

  8. Thanks for your post.. it is such a big help. I’m an ELF and SJ brought a positive and negative effect in my life too but what I want to say is different. I’m with this new group (not SJ) and I’m trying to move on and I think I’m still on the healing stage. I just realize that I can’t really remove kpop into my life especially this certain group. Like kpop is my comfort zone. It brought me confidence and everythng (well not literally) .. what should I do? I know I sound so insane but really I can’t just share it right away to my friends.. I don’t know its just so hard. I’ve been a kpop fan for 5 years. I want to see the world in a different perspective not in a fangirl mode. :( Help ~

  9. I seriously need to get rid of this kind of obsession like right now because of my study. Currently obsessed to exo. I even dreamed to marry one of these guys in the future. My heart beats so fast n my legs tremble when i see him. Now i am 21 yrs old and still got 2 years before graduating. T_T

  10. I never had a real break up experience. To break up with group that I have been following updates constantly for 4 years is seriously hard. I tried to avoid the updates but I failed miserably when I open my twitter. . . to see how are they doing ;| I guess I need to really CLEANSE them off to successfully go through the break up process. This group has been giving me a emotional roller coaster ride and I can’t take it anymore. I decided to out of the fandom for real. I hope your step can help me with this break up process. If there is amnesia for kpop group, i really need one right now. such a torture OTL sorry for my random rant. i just need somewhere to let go my kpop mess.

  11. your post is good for me because i already decided to stop fangirl over infinite..all your post above are related to me..i don’t know how when and what to do to remove infinite from my life because i am too into infinite..it is not their fault but mine..my fault to let myself being soo much in “love” with them..
    by the way i was an ordinary ELF and currently hardcore Inspirit

  12. Thank you for posting this! Yeah..it is quite hard to stop being an obssesed fan.
    I became a Hottest one month ago because I saw Nichkhun on Running Man(Im quite new to this variety showㅠㅠ) then i started to get to know all things about him..like his SNS accounts,his profile,his gf,whether he got plastic surgery or not and etc..Then..guess what?? Im obssesed with Wooyoung 2 days ago through Running Man episode 104! I cried because I want to stop but I can’t..I hope today or tommorow or whenever, God will show me the way :)

  13. Thank you for this post… lol and the funny thing is Tiffany is the picture on top… which is my bias that I want to move on from… XD at first I don’t really like kpop but yeah the variety shows caught me (that evil thing).. XD I saw what Tiff gone through in her life and I kinda relate to it at some point and get attached… I started liking her at 2012 and discovered those rumors about her and her bf.. lol at first I thought its just a rumor so I shrug it off until curiosity get the best of me and searched and saw alot of couple stuff… so I tried to move on.. but its hard.. I keep trying the Heal thing since 2012 XD but I keep crawling back and searching things about her… and everyone with her name reminds me of her XD now that its all out that they are together for years… I really want to end this obsession towards her.. I keep praying to God that he helps me get over it.. I agree to Bliss.. =) I wanna see a new positive perspective in life too.. please reply to me if you can?

  14. So from what I get, being ELF is a bad thing .. Okey, I got it~
    Although, I don’t mind being a part of such a bad fandom :)
    SUJU ARE LIKE EVERYTHING FOR ME .. I WON’T LET THEM DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
    Anyways, Thank you for sharing that Story with us .. At least I’ve realised how ELF can change or kinda, let’s say betray SuJu for their own sake ~

  15. It’s late reply though. I’m a hardcore ELF. Really. Maybe most of what you say relate to me. But, now I’m still being an ELF. What I want to say is that it’s okay for you guys to become a fan of certain group, but please don’t be really obsessed. You can like them or watch their variety shows. For me, it’s just relaxing, you know. How they act, how they make us laugh. But remember again, just think about them in right time (not in school, etc) I think when you can become a wise fan, everything will be okay. I’m a hardcore ELF, but I never let my score down.

    p.s : Sorry for bad english ^^

  16. a late replay, but this is really me. I’ve been a kpoper for 6 years and i was never cried over my bias but since December 2014, I’m deeply in love with BTS and they affected me so much. I start crying and laughing like a mental patient. Even my mom asked me to go with her to a terapy. Which I said no. Now that I want to get focus on my school, BTS keep distracted me. You said I should move on ryt? I did. But its same. Now I cry for not just BTS but for 98 biases.. can you help me to out for just 1 year??

  17. I am a bit late with replying to this, but I do want to share my story. Right now I just started last week with withdrawing from a group, which has been my obsession for half a year. I was active on a lot of forums and followed every move of this group. The reason why I decided to stop being a fan of this group or actually being a more casual Kpop fan, is because I noticed that being a fan made me more unhappy than happy. Kpop should make you happy, but all the hate and negativity in the fandom (especially against my group), made me feel “depressed”. I am normally a positive person so when I noticed that I started to feel like this, I came to the conclusion that I was too emotionally involved. I started with being a fan because I shipped two people in the group, but slowly everything what happened there affected me. Noticing that I couldn’t really concentrate on schoolwork and real-life anymore I decided to cut Kpop out of my life. I deleted all things Kpop related, unsubscribed from all youtube channels and deleted all my blogs. It’s a hard decision because even now I’ve got the urge to check how my faves are doing, but I also notice that I’m happier and more focussed in general. I’ll probably come back to Kpop later, but more casual fan like. Idk if a fandom doesn’t make you happy anymore you should leave it…

  18. thank you so much for your honest feelings i felt i was alone in this i want someone to talk to about this it’s fucking my life i’m a BTS fan but i don’t call my self an “army” since i’m in my 20’s i don’t really get so much into these things but i admit bts took over my life i cry everyday but not for them it’s because of them i really don’t care if they get hurt or anything i care about my health more it’s not like me and bts are friends or anything lol (sorry for being mean) but all i can think about is them and my bias it’s my fault for getting into deep i’ve always loved kpop but never in my life have i been obbssesed damn bts they got me hard when i sleep it’s them in my dream when i wake up always on tumblr reading about them then utube watching their videos and such omg i feel like a complete idiot i have a life and i want to live it but i’m too weak now i went to bed around 12am after reading too many bts scenarios and such and i just woke up crying it’s 02:43am the moment i opened my eyes i went to utube on phone to listen and watch my fav song of them and there come the tears i’m crying coz i hate how they took over my life i’m an adult damn it big bang are my kings but they never controled my life like bts damn these boys damn kpop (i still love kpop and always will) i just gotta stop being obbsesed that’s it after reading what you just wrote i did what u said i deleted their vids and pix and i’m gonna try from now on to stop checking every second if they posted something or not i’m gonna try to stop watching the same videos of them that i’ve been watching over and over and over again. thank you for saying i’m not alone in this i seriously thought i was alone and lost i need to heal i need to go back to the way i was loving kpop but without being obbsesed my life now is them always them from the moment i wake up till i asleep

    • Hey sorry for the late reply
      I was so surprised at how relatable you are. Also, I never thought anybody felt this way too. It was either “fangirling is so healthy dont be ashamed!” or “Kpop fangirling sucks go away it’s ruining you” BigBang were my first kings, the ones who introduced me to Kpop. But I never felt depressed over them. They were there for me to laugh, to enjoy with their quirky attitudes. I guess they inspired me to keep moving forward. I know I’m a teenager so the hormones and all that stuff but then…. BTS came. I might sound like those millions of armys out there but I always felt somehow specially connected to BTS. They are truly perfect. Handsome, funny, caring, sweet, you name it they got it. I have finals too and BTS isnt helping. I feel really depressed sometimes listening/watching BTS and it’s because of my chances of being with them. They’ve just raised my standards too much and I hate it. I’ve never been this way with any other group. BTS has just ruined/made my life better. I guess I’ve realized how selfconscious I am. You know what I mean right? I just get this really sad, sinking feeling deep in my stomach and it’s just there in the background my whole day. I come home from school- bam BTS until 11 PM at night when i actually have to start studying and doing hw. And theyre not helping either. their music is wonderful and they are absolutely talented i dont want to go away but just them in general makes me so sad b/c im never gonna be with them. I have really unsupportive parents who hate Kpop in general so it’s not like im ever gonna meet them, even though they are within my grasp. All these would be chances are the ones that make me sad, the ones that give me hope and ruin it at the same time. I’ve always felt like I was the one for BTs, the one person for my bias (JHope) and just the thought of chances and reality makes me depressed. I really dont know how to cleanse myself b/c everytime I get a thought of them I feel like the only way to cure this depression is by watching another 10 horus of BTS. You feel me right? Just their fun personalities makes me sad all over again. I want to distance myself somehow and I don’t know how. I dont have strong willpower and BTS is just killing me. How do people do this? I want to start gradually but I dont know how. How do I get just the mere reaction from any thought of them out of my head?
      If anyone would reply I would be so relieved…

      • WOW! I relate to the max. In fact, I was searching “obsessed with KPOP help” on google and eventually got here. I am BTS trash. And I can’t say that I’m proud of it because BTS consumes my thoughts on a daily basis. My bias is Jimin and I’m OBSESSED with him. I remember previously, it was all about Jackson. And I already knew BTS since they first released teaser pictures of each member before their debut and was an instant fan. But ever since their “American Hustle Life”, “Danger” and “Dope” features, my attention went from Got7, to iKon, slamming back to BTS. And then I was stanning so hard for Jimin even though my bias was previously always V. I am to blame. I looked up BTS on Tumblr and Instagram and I was just head over heels fangirling for Jimin. He is just too attractive lately, in this sweet, funny, trendy group. I kept reminded myself, I won’t even date this guy! That is UNREALISTIC. But to be honest, I’ve fantasized scenarios and read fanfics. Right now, I am relieved that my obsession for Jackson had passed (although I occasionally fangirl over simple Instagram posts, but nothing crazy like before). Now I’m hoping to be passed that phase where I am possibly USED to Jimin that I wouldn’t be stanning him so hard anymore. However, I am sick of ALWAYS finding some idol to pass my obsession on to. It has been going in chains. If you named a Kpop group to me, I would instantly recall my bias of that group, how I searched him on the net often, read fanfics of them, fantasized about them, and Youtubed. It’s gotta stop! I hate looking at a perfect Jimin picture and then ache that someone like him won’t be in my real life or ever notice me. I know, know: some people are very cool about it and say “chill, you won’t marry this guy. it’s fine to like his group, just be mature about it”. But that’s just it! I want out. This isn’t healthy for me and I can’t handle it. I hate myself because I’m beginning to care about what Korea’s standards are. I want to have pale skin, be super skinny, have musical talent, and be born in Korea (see how crazy this is?). I believe my life was more peaceful back then. I’m also American and I get embarrassed at things I read when I search “what does Korea think of America”. I feel like BTS, Kpop idols, or Korea are just too good for me and I am not worthy. I hate that feeling. I want to love my life again. Oh, and whenever I have fun, I instantly think of how KPOP idols have 10xs more fun than me (obviously not all the time when they practice 8-10 hours) and I would feel depressed that I’m not a part of their world. Suddenly, what me and my friends would be doing as a hang out would just seem lame and dull. I think it’s rude of me to think in such a way. I think I get greedy with things that look pretty and seem happy. Kpop’s not ruining my friendships but my social life is diminishing because I would rather sit in front of my computer screen and watch KPOP shows, music, anything. I feel like I wasted time I could have invested in making hobbies, meeting new people and discovering exciting things about myself. As self-centered as it may sound, I think I need to start focusing on me and “getting to know” me. Like who am I besides being obsessed with KPOP? Am I the person I would like to hang out with? I think that would help open up my eyes a bit more. I know that feeling you are talking about. Something about seeing them happy, makes me happy but then I get this lonely, sad feeling in the background.

      • Hi ! I can totally relate to you in so many ways . When I found out the BTS was in my area for tour (Chicago) I became depressed that I couldn’t go see them and drowned myself in their music. I’m in the process of getting over BTS as well . Yes, they are unique boys oh myyy , but it is ruining my social life and school life. :( J-hope is also my bias lol . But after reading your story and many others, I feel better, knowing that I am not the only one who’s addicted. You’re not alone ! Thanks for sharing ! And it does get better !

    • You are so not alone, fellow ARMY. I am in my 20s too and is so much in love with BTS that my introvert self got more introvert since I started to stan them. I even got more weird since I thought that it is okay because it seems to be normal but no, in the real world, people expect us to be normal. We are not Kpop idols who have gazillions of followers who worship them and everything they do. I am having a hard time dealing with my stress right now and I thought Bangtan will solve it all for me but it is time to wake up to the reality that we need ourselves and God to help us what we are going through. I hope you will be successful in cleansing yourself from the obsession. God bless, fellow ARMY. :)

      • Hello, I am an ARMY too. i want to cure my addiction. if you are free, Can you discuss with me and let’s look for solutions. Contact on fb “Oyundari Baasanbat”

    • I am so related to this. I”m also trying to get over this BTS thing. I definitely not young anymore (32 with 7 years old daughter). I am not an army and its only been a month since I started liking them, my bias is Jung Kook. I was shocked when I knew he’s 97’s born (he looks older though). I have not totally obsessed, but indeed my eyes are so amused watching them, unconsciously, BAMMMM!! Me watching them every second I got the chance. I felt so sorry for my daughter, although I always watch them together with my daughter (and she also looks amused though), just Yesterday I noticed that when I looked at my daughter’s face, I feel that it’s been a long time since I saw her, probably cause my eyes are always looking up those BTS hotties.. Oh my god I really need to really stop this. But still, I just bought Victoria Secret Noir Tease body mist online as it is said that it Jung Kook’s fave scent. I think I still have a long way to go.Wish Me luck… K Pop are definitely a dangerous virus, It’s not a bad thing to become a fan but yes… indeed NO to obsession.

  19. I’m also a nursing student and I’m obsessed with GG.Being a Nursing Student is not easy like you said studying must be our first priority.I admit i’m putting GG first than my study which i know is wrong but i can’t help it THEY’RE MY EVERYTAENG.I also wanted to stop being a fan since i really need to focus on my study especially i don’t want my parents to be disappointed in me and they’re paying for my expensive Tuition and I CAN’T LET THEM DOWN. I really need to quit i’ve been thinking about it countless of time and your tips really did help i’m moving on bit by bit.

  20. Actually, I’ve been trying so hard to stop this obsession. I started to fall for them when 2012, where I really love TeenTop. After that, I fall for Exo and you know what, I spend most of my precious time with them. What I mean is every time I wake up in the morning I will open my laptop or phone to look on ig and twitter, searching for them if there was a new info. I know I should studying instead of this things but I can’t until I realized I have bad results, I failed three important subjects, which is biology, physics and addmath. I was really stressed and tried to solve this problems. Yes, I agree to myself that this kpop things make me unconscious about things around me. For example, my parents disapproved me to liking kpop because they know that kpop give me bad influences, but what I do is still listen to them and arguing with my parents until they feel sad. Now I still trying to stop this because next year will be the biggest exam in my life, exam that will determine which university or college I can attend, either in or outside of my country. I really didn’t want kpop ruined my future. I hope that next year, all the things will leave me alone.

  21. I’m so glad I found this post because no one around me likes Kpop and so I’ve been pretty much fangirling on my own. And it’s crazy how much I relate to your story because I’m also a nursing student and I’ve realized that being a fan of BTS is hurting my academic life as well as my heart. I’ve tried to stop myself from falling in too deep but I keep watching their videos on v app and I can’t stop thinking about them like this obsession is consuming me!! It hurts to think about them now knowing I’ll never be able to see them and I’m trying to stop liking them but dude it’s super tough. Your post helped a lot though! If you can get through it, there’s hope for me too

  22. It’s currently 1:37 am in here and I’m here scrolling through google, searching for sites which contain steps on how to quit being a fangirl. And then I came across your post.
    I don’t know.
    Your story… it’s touching yet tragically beautiful at the same time. I’m gonna assume that you’re from PH because of the Pulp thingy and all, but anyway, my point is that I feel like me being a PH Kpop fan like you gives me much more courage to express myself and tell my story.
    I’m an EXO-L.
    I’ve joined the fandom since 2013 during Wolf era though I’ve seen their MAMA mv on Myx channel plenty of times way back in 2012. I guess their debut didn’t quite click with me back then so I just practically ignored them. I also became an ELF at one point in my life. In fact, it was my very first fandom. SuJu opened my eyes to the KPop world but that immediately diminished because my dad was heavily against me listening to music I don’t understand. I was in 4th grade back then. Young, yes. And completely clueless of how fandoms work. I had no idea of what SM Entertainment was, who was Hangeng and why SuJu fans needed to have a name, etc. Totally nothing. I was not that heavily engrossed into KPop back then. I was merely exploring it and trying to decipher its uniqueness. But when my dad threatened to burn my laptop if I don’t stop listening to f(x) songs and other KPop stuff due to curiosity, I stopped. I went back to watching anime until 7th grade. The most extreme thing I managed to do while I was an ELF was change my FB password with something that involves them. Hence, the ridiculous length. XD I’m still using it even up to this day. Not even my eagle-eyed sister can guess my FB password so it’s actually helpful in one way or another. So yeah. I didn’t exactly last for months as an ELF. It was a love that ended even before it started. LOL chos lang. kkk
    Moving on, year 2013. I was excited to enter 8th grade. I had already prepared my stuff for the first day at school and ran marathons of anime films during the entire summer because I knew I’d have to wait for school breaks to fully indulge in them again. But approximately 2 weeks before first day of school, I began to feel ill. It was an excruciating experience. I had to bear with the pain because we had no money to pay for hospital bills. One week of pain and my parents had to take drastic measures. Public hospitals didn’t do it for me so they admitted me to a private one (which meant much more expensive bills). I was already on the verge of wanting to give up because the pain was killing me. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t walk and everything I ate, I threw up. I was trying to act fine because the doctors kept telling me that an operation is the only solution as their diagnosis revealed appendicitis. I didn’t want to get operated on because I was scared as hell. XD But it happened anyway. A day after the operation, I went back home and rested for a few days. I was upset and cranky. I didn’t know why. Maybe because I didn’t want to accept the fact that my body was now marred with stitches (girl problems OTL). One day, while staying bed-ridden at home and scrolling through my FB account, my friend chatted me up and said her regards. ‘How are you?’, ‘I missed you’, ‘Are you okay now?’ etc. She would’ve been just like everyone else who asked about my current condition if not for the youtube link that she sent after her concerned message. I was… weirded out. She said it was some sort of a congratulatory gift from her. Something to commemorate my discharge from the hospital. From the mere thumbnail itself, I was able to read ‘EXO’ and then I thought to myself, ‘oh.. these guys again..’, ‘been so long since I’ve last heard of them..’ Curious and not wanting to reject my friend’s ‘gift’, I clicked the link and watched the vid.
    First impression was ‘WTF’ (especially at Kai’s cornrows and Xiumin’s single eyelids LOL). And yet, I found myself watching the mv everytime I get bored. I didn’t exactly feel anything the first time I watched it though I do remember being fascinated with Chanyeol and Luhan’s hairclips. kkk My tendency to watch the vid came to the point that my lil sis began to notice it, complaining about hearing the same song blasting through my phone every 5 minutes. She too grew curious and ended up watching the mv with me. Which led to her becoming Chanyeol-biased. My lil sis was actually the one who got addicted into the EXO fandom first. She was the first one to say that she had become a fan of them even before I did. Because she was someone who tends to get too dedicated to something she likes, it wasn’t long before our house blasted an endless replay of EXO’s segment in Weekly Idol and Beatles’ Code as well as their performances in music shows. It became nothing but EXO for her. And I ended up succumbing to the temptation and joined the fandom too. Technically, I was the first to discover them and become a fan but in fear of my dad getting mad again, I hesitated to proclaim my status as a fangirl. However, with my lil sis now riding the same boat as me, I knew I had a chance to finally show my love for KPop. My parents favored my lil sis a bit too much over me after all. hehehe I practically used her as a shield against them so that they would no longer be able to hinder me from loving Kpop.
    And so began my journey to the KPop world.
    As a newbie EXOstan (nameless fandom days ;_; omg), I was thrilled upon discovering the dynamics of KPop fandoms. Along with my two friends and my lil sis, we started off with choosing our biases from the group. I was supposed to go for either Luhan or Suho, but my friend had already beat me to it and so I was left with Kai. Oh, the irony. He was the one I extremely disliked back then in their MAMA mv. I didn’t find him handsome, his dance was exaggerated and he seemed arrogant with that stern expression on his face.
    But 3 years into the fandom and look at me now.
    SO IN LOVE WITH HIM THAT IT HURTS TO SEE HIM GET INJURED OR GET BASHED BY ANTIS AND JUDGMENTAL K-NETIZENS. :'((
    My parents were initially not (again) favoring our knack for KPop but when my mom saw Kai (and his advocacy for EXO-Ls to be good in studying) as well as my improvements in school, she eventually gave in. She even became a fangirl herself. As for me, EXO became my light. I don’t know how exactly but they gave me a purpose in life. After my operation, I was depressed and I had lost my love for anime. I felt like I had no more reason to live for despite being a survivor of severe appendicitis. I felt empty and hollow. But as if God wanted me to have something to work hard for again, EXO came into my life and ‘wolfed’ down all my insecurities. During 7th grade, I was bullied a lot and accused of being a cheater. Spending excessive hours watching anime was my only source of comfort. I had some friends but they were in different sections. I was the unfortunate one to be placed in the star section and get ridiculed for my knowledge and introverted personality. I didn’t know it was that hard to adjust to a new school, especially with the k-12 and all. I wanted to at least be in the top 10 of my class in my new school and with a little boost from anime, I managed to get 6th out of 30 candidates for honors. I was fine and happy with it. My parents and relatives were, too.
    But when I got into the EXO fandom during 8th grade and my parents noticed the boost in my academic performance, that was where I realized my true potential. Even though I couldn’t understand what they’re saying and singing about most of the time, they were still able to touch my heart and give my life a purpose. When I knew about all their struggles to become idols and the sacrifices they’ve made to reach the top, I felt inspired to do the same. I began to excel in my studies with the mindset that someday, I’ll be able to see them personally and become a fan who is deserving of their dedication and love. I wanted to graduate with flying colors, get a job I love to do and go to Korea with my own hard-earned money. It doesn’t matter if I don’t get to talk to them casually. To be able to see them up close is enough.
    Because I’d know by then that they are real and that we both rose to the top as EXO and EXO-L.
    And now I don’t know why I’m planning to leave them for good. I just feel like I have to grow up soon. Three years into the fandom and I’ve excelled in my studies for consecutive years. I have completed my junior high school as a salutatorian and my parents are very much proud of me. They’ve given me a lot of money to attend conventions and even bought me tickets to attend EXO’s two-day concert here in Manila. I was happy. EXO made me happy. All those heartbreaks, the lawsuits and members leaving… I stuck with them till the end. It’s extremely hard for me to let go as they have somehow became the other half of me. Whenever I had tests and presentations, they were always in my mind as inspiration. My mind always stores their existence even without me consciously acting on it. They were more than jut idols for me. They had become a piece of my soul and maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to let go.
    It’s not that I’m planning to completely forget them. I just feel like I have to tone it down now and be the adult my parents want me to become. Because tbh, the dreams I want to achieve have become too unattainable and unrealistic. Being an EXO-L brought out the best in me but I don’t want it to be the only thing that defines me in the future. I should set off and find another piece of my identity. The only reason I’ve tried to search up ways on how to quit being a fangirl was because I wanted to lessen my shipper feels. XD I am too much of a hardcore HunHan shipper that I fantasize about those two as if they were really gay/lovers in real life. And I find it unfair. Sehun and Luhan are from EXO and EXO made me bring out my real potential. So I feel like I should be fair to both them and myself because honestly, my shipper feels get too overboard sometimes that I’d get mad over any girl who dares to approach any of them and ruin my OTP.
    IMO, being a fangirl isn’t a bad thing. It’s just up to you on how you’re going to let it affect your everyday life. ‘Make it an jnspiration, not an obsession’ – was what my mom always told us after we got into the fandom. Now, my sister has left for good. She is now an ARMY and it seems like she’d be staying with them forever. She was meant for BTS. But in my case, I know that nothing can ever replace EXO for me.
    I will always be an EXO-L.
    I will become an EXO-L whom EXO can proud of in the future.
    Time check = 3:28 am. LOOOOOOL
    Sorry for the long rant. ㅋㅋㅋ

    • OMG you inspires me!! I’m an Exo-l too and ur comment inspires me to love Exo in a good way;)) Thx so much!!

  23. Hello im here to thanks to your VERY GOOD BLOG. im currently crying because of confirmed dating of Kai and Krystal that been revealed today. I’ve never been crying so hard like now because of a guy. When I was break up with my boyfriend I didn’t cried this hard. I just reflect myself about you story and also advise to moving on from kpop actually. Thank you so much for your advise because I’m literally like crazy to loved Kai and Exo until I’ve planned so much stupid plans. What ever it is I will follow your ways to move on ! THANKS again

  24. I’m actually a Baptist and yes I was really glad to come across this article. So far it’s the only article that mentioned God and it did remind me a lot. I was actually looking for stuff like these. I’m currently addicted to Seventeen. As in seriously hooked up. Sometimes I take too much time instead of reading my Bible. Yes, it sounds terrible. But the fact that you realized that something’s wrong, it means the Holy Spirit is working in you. I’ll pray and follow your advice. Thank you so much ate. :)

  25. Hello! :) I was actually looking for ways to stop fangirling when I stumbled upon your blog. I used to be an ELF too, way back 2010 and I was so obsessed with them back then but surprisingly, I managed to balance my fangirling life with my studies. I never had issues back then regarding Kpop because my academic records were excellent. However, I encountered some difficulties lately because my obsession got out of hand. I am currently reviewing to take a state exam but I can’t seem to focus with my review and I even made up lots of excuses not to attend review classes so I can spazz over my current favorite band, BTS. I even made up my mind that I will not pass the state exam due to my current state. I gave up hope for my reality just to fuel my passion over my fantasy. At this point in time, I know it is too late to redeem myself because I wasted too much time procrastinating over my studies but I want to tone down my obsession so that I can actually think about and start preparing for my future without including my biases in my personal life goals.

    • In my case, I’ve discovered BTS in june 2016.we are in August so i’ve known them only for 3 months. I really love them but my affection for them turns out to obssesion.
      My friends told me to watch the MV of fire, they were so excited about it and and I didn’t understand what was so special about BTS. so I gave it a try and listenned to it. Surprisly,
      It catched my attention immediatly.I really like everything. The genre of music , dance, their look And It gave me a huge impression, it was seen that they were a talented group. So I became curious and I listened to their others songs which I really love aswell. It could have stop with loving their music but I was told to see some of bangtan bombs and I started to watch some.I learned to appreciate their personnalities which pushed me to watch more videos by my own and so on and so forth. Having my best friend loving them was really cool since we could fangirling everytime . As time passed, My affection for them grew and grew and I became a bts trash. I wanted to watch everything about them on the youtube,tumblr, fanfictions ,facebook. I did so. My days became days dedicated to BTS. ( fortunately, It was the holiday whether my grades would have collapsed ) I only have them on mind.People around me became like boring, the only subject which I liked to talk to was BTS. I don’t know how much time I’ve spent watching their videos and some stuff about them but I think it is so huge that I will be afraid of myself if I know the amount of time I’ve spent .
      Like a lot of fans , I began to feel a kind of jealous thinking of them having a girlfriend, I wanted to meet them so badly, become friend with them ( well it is ” impossible” bc I don’t live in Korea and I don’t even speak the language) I started to feel unconfident about myself. I wanted to become like korean girls, prettier, skinner etc. I wanted to become someone I wasn’t. I wanted to become a girl who they can appreciate.I also dreamed /imagined a lot of times meeting them and becoming their friends. When I wasn’t looking or searching something about them,I felt empty. And at the same time, after watching almost everything about them,I wanted more and more, so I wasted my time and was awake in the wee hours searching for something, a tiny thing about them.Because it made me happy. Everything I did, I used to relating them to BTS.Even If I was with some friends, I always ended up wondering what they were doing etc. If life was only about BTS And If I could earn money just by looking at them on the internet,I would have gave my life to the devil just to watch more videos and some stuff about them for the rest of my life.but life is not that. And I knew that I was trapped in a circle but I didn’t want to go out of it. It was so smooth , a happy world. but reality comes, life goes on, and while I was looking for some BTS stuff, ppl around me were evolving,doing lots of things ppl do at my age and I was just there with my computer or phone doing nothing. It depressed me from time to time because those people’s lives were written or they know their path , and I was there not knowing what my future was etc. The fact is that when I looked at their videos, etc I forgot my problems,issues but also my responsabilities .Their videos helped me to escape reality.But reality always catch you. This year coming is the most important year of my life and I don’t want to ruin it. So i’ve decided to stop eveything. just Yesterday, I started to delete my tumblr account ,pictures of them and unfollowed everything linked with BTS on instagram,facebook,twitter. I hope I will heal from this BTS phase. I Believe it’s just a phase, and If I don’t stop it right now, It could get worse and worse. You know it’s like drugs,if you try it ,you want more and more. It was an addiction. I hope I will be detached slowly by surely.
      Life offers us a lot of things, opportunities and experiencies , and I think in a some way watching all day long BTS is not good for your health and social life, in fact we might loose opportunities,forgetting our duties an responsabilities .I don’t want to regret my time with Bts ,I don’t want to tell myself later” if you had focused more on your studies instaed of watching BTS you would have succeed” As they build their career i’m going to build mine too. I think I’ll always love those boys they had a huge impact on my life because They made me happy, I cried for them, Laughed with them, I supported them and they will stay in my heart forever but I hope I will learn love them in a moderate way in the future.

      • Omg you have no idea how much this relates to me, the only thing is that really I’ve only known BTS for a week (crazy I know) but in this entire week it’s been physically and mentally impossible to not think about them or hear their music or vids on them in general and tbh it’s driving me kinda insane, in this entire week it’s only their songs I’ve listened to ( no other songs satisfy me) and with that because of their amazing mv’s I feel like I’ve had to watch the entire time, it’s gone as far as wanting to be Korean, having amazing musical abilities, actually DREAMING about them, them being the first thing on my mind as soon as I wake up!! and daydreaming about having future careers that somehow include meeting or working BTS ( like what even), they are an amazing group (bias – totally jimin, next to that comes v) and I enjoy their music I don’t want to exit my life forever but I don’t want it to be on my mind every single freaking second.

  26. it has been only 2 months and I can see the negative impact of kpop on me. I spend my whole day thinking and listening to kpop music ,searching their videos on youtube ,and liking their every single jokes or pics. But thanks that I soon realise that I am getting addicted to kpop. and this is all taking me to a wrong direction . I don’t want to leave kpop permanently but I really need to control myself or my mind . so that while paying attention to others things in my life I can still love my favourite kpop group (BTS,NCT,Girl’s generations,Twice etc.). I have already started my first step towards this addiction by deleting all their photos from my mobile and stopped uploading their pics and liking them . Thanks for sharing your story here , I knew that I am not alone in this addiction .

  27. Hi guys! It’s me :) well, it’s been years since I made this blog post and I love how everyone commented their stories and it’s touching you guys put in effort to do it. I guess ranting helps, doesn’t it?

    Well, I want to update you all about how I am now. I still listen to kpop. In fact I listen to it everyday. But you know what? I’m in med school now! Yes, I’m in med school and I still listen to kpop! Haha. Imagine a doctor dancing to EXO or something. Quite hilarious. But anyway, my point is… it’s not the end for your future because you love a group or the genre itself. What’s important is that you make the change to balance your life with your interests. After all, nothing wrong with loving a group! :)

    Good luck guys. I’m sorry I don’t update this blog anymore.

  28. Hey guys!!
    Actually,yesterday I read all above comments;and it was really touching when I see that there are too many folks like me obsessed with kpop groups;folks from different nationalities and with different ages…
    I wanna add this small(but usefull) tip ,that can help you stop your obsession with kpop groups: know that all these idol groups are fake,I mean their personality,thire cutness,their exaggerated reactions and feeling is fake, whatever they wear is chosen by their company,whatever they say is scripted by their company…they are merely manufactured performers,even most of them can’t sing…all that matters for them and their company is money…always be aware that they are fake,so don’t get them so serious…ok?
    For more information about kpop fake singing and personalities please search in google…specially check out “sarah wolfgang(hanhee) reddit”,and watch “9 muses of star empire documentar”,and search phrase like ” I hate kpop”,”why kpop idols can’t have bf ir gf”,”kpop cotracts”(tvxq contract officially was revealed due to jyj split),etc…
    p.s:sorry for bad english.

  29. Omg.. I read this and started crying because I can finally see how obsessed I am with BTS. (Bangtan boys) .I found this blog by searching up how to break up with a kpop group lol becauseI felt like BTS is taking over my life .. I’m on spring break at the moment and all I have been doing is binge watching BTS music videos and stalking them on twitter. I even downloaded an app called the BTS army where fans of BTS can posts/ share things about the members. I can totally relate to you in so many ways .. sighs. I’m in the process of trying to “break-up” with this group because I feel like they are taking over my life. Just like you I didn’t even like Kpop until my friends introduced me. They weren’t super obsessed or anything but enjoyed Kpop groups. When I heard about BTS coming to Chicago (Tour )I didn’t really care until I saw people go to the concert. Then after there stop in Chicago is when I started to become obsessed. I felt like I needed the boys in my life .. like their my happiness . Deep inside I know that there just idols ! I’m a Christian and can see that I have been idolizing them for a while. I guess writing this reply is a way of saying thank you for sharing your tips and helping me see that I have an obsession. Again, I’m still in the process of getting over them slowly but I want to thank you for sharing this.

    • Oh my god, thank you for responding to me in my post so I came to reply to yours. First of all, I’m a Christian too and the conviction is killing me. I know not to idolize Kpop. But here I am OBSESSED with BTS and particularly Jimin. The worst part is that I’m beginning to “get used to” (If you read my post with the name “Lilly” you’ll know what I mean) to Jimin. Why? Because my bias wrecker, Jungkook as really been getting to me lately. Like, this Golden Maknae is after my soul. I posted back in 2015 and here I am, it’s 2017 and yep, still OBSESSED. This is not good at all. I realized the implications it does have on my life. I’m 25 years old and I want a NORMAL life with a boyfriend. I feel that because I’m spending hours on end watching videos or ANYTHING having to do with them, I wasted opportunities to meet people, make new friends, love my life and appreciate the things God has given me. Because I’m pouring myself into BTS, I am neglecting the potential person I could become. Rather than getting my ass up to hit the gym, I roll over in bed because I stayed up late reading inappropriate fanfics of Jimin, Jungkook or Taehyung. I should be idolizing them and I can’t imagine how Koreans can SURVIVE when they live on the same soil as them. I think I would hyperventilate just thinking that they are in the same city or ate at the same restaurant as me. Sometimes, I even wished they never existed (the whole Kpop thing). Because it is seriously eating at me. I know this is horrible of me to think because we humans (as my pastor said) are like sticky beings: if we idolize one thing and that disappears, we can easily find something else that’s pretty and idolize and worship it. Before Kpop I was ALL ABOUT Mangas and anime. Now I don’t care for mangas or anime, ONLY because I’m OBSESSED with Kpop. I need to stop this. In the long run, I only feel empty, unimportant, and depressed that my life is not remotely close to being with BTS. Like I’ve FANTASIZED being married to Jimin. I even have a fanfiction story I’m writing about Jimin. I’ve started my process of breaking up with BTS. So far, I deleted my Instagram account (BTS fan account which is not my personal, REAL account; another reason I hate this; I feel like I’m hiding my BTS trash addiction because I KNOW it’s not good). Then I deleted my Youtube account which had some BTS crack videos. The hard part is deleting my Asianfanfic account because I have loyal readers who are constantly thankful for the story. I want to delete it because I DOES consume a lot of my time to write it. I enjoy it but then I end up wishing I was the protagonist in the story. Also, knowing what God would not appreciate, I am not helping a sister out if I am giving them smut to read. This is all messed up. I need a cleanse from Kpop and stay away from it. I’m not saying everyone should. I just know that it is not healthy for me. I need to get out, love myself, love my friends and family and love my life. Not hate it because I’m not Korean, Jimin’s girlfriend or an idol (yep I thought of those; even imagined my own Kpop group, name and songs other artists made; example I imagined that my group sang the song “You Make Me Feel So” by Cobra Starship”; messed up I know.) It’s evident that I need to break up with Kpop. It’s just not serving me well. Not beneficial at all. I’m off my rocker. I will definitely push to overcome this.

    • I came across this while googling “how to stop fangirling over a kpop group” and yeah I am a die hard ARMY. The moment I started watching their silly videos they made me laughed so hard I became unconsciously obsessed with everything they do. Fangirling was not a bad thing until the point when it consumes your life. I was so elated while watching them and listening to their music and at the same time depressed that they are so perfect and I will never get to be close to them. And even more depressed when I saw fancams of them in concerts which I never could enter.
      I knew it was depression, because this “sadness” made me extremely unmotivated to do things I am supposed to do, like study or learn new things, instead I wasted hours everyday replaying their videos.
      I knew I had to stop. I am 24, in my final semester in dental school. I have priorities and responsibilities. The upcoming critical weeks is going to decide my fate for the next few decades but I am wasting it on a kpop group.
      So what I did? Apart from researching the dark sides of kpop, I kept reminding myself often that this is marketing. KPOP is meant to draw in fan girls and make you feel “attached” to the group you stan, this is how they make money. This “attachment” is what makes these fans willing to spent thousands just to get a glimpse of their idol, and the companies knew that.
      I am still an ARMY, I still love BTS, they make me laugh, they make me happy. But I am NOT going to screw up my future because of them.
      Thanks dear author for sharing your experience, it’s like a support group for kpop stans who want to gain back control of their life.

      • Wow! Thank you for sharing. I posted about two times previously. I think my oldest one being in 2015? And look where I’m at…not something I’m proud of. I’m head over heels with BTS’ Golden Maknae Jungkook. Let me tell how obsessed I’ve been. I’ve watched every low quality video of BTS reacting to other artists at the Billboard Music Awards. I EVEN watched Billboard live performances on youtube to see if I can spot BTS in the crowd. I’m very ashamed and if you read my previous post, I have yet to delete my asianfanfic story. I havent updated in over 3 months and my readers are wondering why I havent updated. I havent told them that I want to stop writing and eventually delete the story. I am only making them sink deeper into their own obsession whole. I responded to you because I thought of exactly what you did: “marketing”. I tried thinking that despite the boys having a great heart , this is also their career. They are so good at it. They throw hearts to fans, mention one simple fan name “A.R.M.Y.” and somehow we instantly feel special. I mean look at Jungkook, throwing millions of hearts to the camera. I would definitely be swooning over him nonstop. Now I’m 25 and still single with only my sorry ass to blame because I haven’t been hitting my fitness goals and I haven’t been the social butterfly I should be to meet a wonderful guy out there that WOULD actually notice me. I love the boys, but too much of a good thing is bad and BTS is pretty much hurting me at this point. I get too attached. Again, it’s me, not them. So I need to step away. Thank you for sharing! I hope the next I check in, I have deleted my asianfanfics! So far I deleted every single BTS fmv and fanfiction that I saved in my Bookmarks!!

  30. Hello, i think i’m having the same problem with you. I’ve been obsessed with Exo for one year and a month, my sister made me an Exo-l. But she is starting not to be interested in Exo anymore (that’s what i think) and it breaks my heart. I always feels anxious and sad;(, my heart was never peaceful. I know that liking Exo is kind of negative for me;((, a part of me wanted to stop but some part of me are also terrified. I’m scared to forget about Exo, i’m scared…. I dont know what to do..

  31. I became army just few months ago and i can feel it’s impact both are positive and negative. I don’t have social life to be honest, gossiping, hanging out is something i dont know how to start i just know reply…And one day i entered kpop world…. Before i used to hate it but eventually i ended up loving it. I’v been watching their videos day and night…. I’v laughed more than ever enjoyed alot but my grades it just turned worst…. And m here in the point of selecting among the two… And i unknowingly was selecting kpop but now m thinking about quitting it…. But dont know how it do….. Help me please!

    • Hello Skmee,
      This is Lilly, I posted to this article about 3 times already, if you want to hear my BTS story, read my previous posts with my name on it. :)
      I had been a fan of BTS ever since they first released teaser images of the members before they debuted. I even watched their video logs on Youtube before they debuted! 3 or 4 years later, it has only been getting worse. Aside from that, I relate to you so much!
      It seems tough to quit Kpop. For some, it seems easy and for others, not so much. For me it’s possibly the hardest thing I ever tried to do: quitting it. I tried not quitting it and just limiting myself to BTS but it didn’t work well. It’s like if I’m on a diet and I allow a cheat day, I end up cheating the whole week. I tried quitting before, like when I was stanning Jackson sooo much during “Roomate” era. I got over Got7 but I stumbled back to becoming BTS trash on a whole new level. Others can manage their limits, but I can’t. What I had to do was start with my mindset and decide to BEGIN.

      These are things I would ask myself before diving into my routine of binge watching/searching BTS. I will be mentioning the members as I adore them and set them as great examples. Caution CAPS are not meant here to sound like I’m shouting but to emphasize:

      1. DOES IT BENEFIT ME AS A PERSON? I realized that, even when I am fully exhausted, I stay up into the wee hours of the morning, binge watching BTS. What did it benefit me? Insomnia? I get more acne and gain weight when I don’t sleep enough or eat snack nonstop just so that I flop on my bed and binge watch them. BTS had spent hours practicing their dance routine and music and look at them know. Complete elite idols with other idols looking up to them. BUT what have I done to work on my insecurities? Also, Rapmon to me is sexy because he’s got the sexy brain, meaning he’s smart! What have I done? Barely passed a test with a 73% because I was binge watching BTS all night? I want to become a girl who is strong and focused on her goals, smart enough to handle her responsibilities. Will fangirling over boys for the next 4 years help grow into a strong, sexy, and smart woman? NOPE!

      2. IS IT PRODUCTIVE? What could I be doing instead of BTS binging? I could be discovering something new about myself that I didn’t know before. Maybe I’m just as good as Jungkook at different things but I will never know unless I spend time to know myself. Sounds weird and yeah, I will most likely not be “Golden” like the Maknae but I am curious to try out knitting, biking. Would Jungkook have discovered how Golden he is if he just binge watched girls dancing or being funny and cute all day? NOPE! What if I end up meeting new friends because I put myself more “out there”? What if I end up meeting someone special and I WON’T compare him to BTS because I would be over them by then? Okay, obviously this will take some time to happen, LOL. But what if I learn to enjoy the life I was given a bit more? Suga, Rapmon and J-Hope have been so productive in their own music production. What have I done for my own spiritual growth? How have I’ve productively become a stronger, more mature person? Am I closer to my career goals and dreams?

      3. WILL IT JUST HURT ME IN THE END? This is serious. I noticed it and I’m sure others have as well. This is hurting me socially. How? I would rather camp in my bedroom with nothing but hours of BTS on my laptop rather than creating precious memories with MY FRIENDS. Look at BTS! They create precious memories with each other. Jimin and others record their moments and enjoy the present. Instead, I look at THEIR life of FUN (I know they don’t ALWAYS have fun and have to work hard too) and wish mine was like theirs. Then I end up disliking my life and resenting things around me. THAT’s how it’s hurting me. BTS does not waste time sitting around and binge watching idols all the time, they GET UP and do their own thing TOGETHER. I NEED TO DO MY OWN THING, with my FRIENDS and possibly new ones I meet along the way.

      4. WILL I HURT OTHERS IN THE END? This is a sweet question to me because I immediately think of Jimin who thinks of each precious BTS brothers. Do I hurt others in this process? Yes. First of all, I’m avoiding my family because I would rather spend time with BTS than them. By spending less time with family, I don’t get to make precious memories. OF COURSE, I do spend time every now and then with them and we need our space at time but there were times when I could have stepped up my game as an older sister or daughter to my family. I’ve also hurt my best friend. I even almost ruined our friendship for good! It happened when my friend invited me to go to a Christmas choir event with her. I had hung out already with her last week so I told I didn’t feel like it (because I wanted to BINGE on BTS). Then she exploded what she held in for a long time. She said that she felt I was taking her for granted that she was always the one making effort in our friendship to hang out and spend time. That I hardly wanted to make great memories and said that she wasn’t so sure how much more she can stand to be there only for convenience. I was heartbroken, offended and guilty. Thankfully after not talking to each other for 2 weeks, I apologized to her and made sure she wasn’t brushed off. She matters to me and that moment became eye-opening. Another thing, I could be hurting someone special in my life. I have no one special in my life right now, BUT I know that if I meet this special someone, I may end up comparing him. First of all, that would NOT be fair and true. The final thing is, I would be hurting BTS. If you think about it, in a way, I am. I am treating BTS like sexual objects of my fantasies. I drool over them. I selfishly wish for their attention and pout when there are no updates from them. I treat them less as humans and more as meat. I need to only admire and respect them. Sure, they may not know I view them inappropriately BUT I DO. And if I’m working on becoming a better, caring and thoughtful person, I shouldn’t be thinking of them so disrespectfully.

      5. WILL I END UP FANTASIZING OR COMPARING MYSELF? Another reason this is hurting me: I would FANTASIZE about being their lover from the many smut stories I have read. TERRIBLE! I’m basically creating unrealistically HIGH standards for a potential boyfriend in the future. Whoever I end up dating will never be Jungkook, or Jimin, or Taehyung. I need to be more GROUNDED. Would I want my boyfriend to wish I Taeyeon or SinB or Momo, or Tzuyu? Hell NO! I mean, I do wish I was beautiful like them BUT I have to accept the way God made and learn to love the way God intends for me to be! Surely God doesn’t want me to waste my life locked up in a room dedicating her life to boys that are idolized left and right by others. AND I have to love my man (whoever I end up with) as he is or will be for the better. Another reason this is hurting me is because this “BTS binging” has a name: “ESCAPISM”. In short, it means to escape the real world by living in a world of fantasy. It can be done by reading a book, or hours of fantasizing and whatnot. This is NOT bad. But spending more than normal hours daily IS! It’s stopping my own growth as becoming a better person.
      Do I not want to be a sweet, thoughtful and caring angel like Jimin? Of course!! But I don’t think Jimin will find it charming that I roll my eyes at mom when she asks that I do my chores or clean the dishes. I’m not mentioning Jimin or BTS qualities as a chance for me to marry them or get their attention (although that would be a dream come true BUT I’m mentioning this because I do admire them and WOULD care what they think). This reminds me of the show, “Hello Counselor” when the little girl gushed about BTS and loved them more than her parents. When looking at it from a different view, I thought “Man, this girl is petty for not loving the people that gave her life more than BTS!” and I cringed when she hugged her dad in promise of getting a “blow kiss” from Jin. BUT I AM JUST THE SAME AS HER. I would rather spend time watching BTS live than to sit and eat dinner with my mom who watches TV by herself with no company? Or how I would rush to my room, muttering “Can we talk later?” to mom just so that I can watch BTS? I’m terrible this way as a person. Jimin was right, a girl would look cuter if she was more of a caring person for her parents. I need to grow as a person and be the type I would be proud of. Also Jimin, is often video logging about his thoughts and genuinely sounds wise because he takes the time to talk about his thoughts and balances them out. For example, “I have to much to improve on vocals and practicing can be discouraging. But if I continue to practice, wouldn’t it be time before I improve a little?” He didn’t specifically say that but he OFTEN balances his thoughts this way. He is a great example of what I want to be in terms of being caring, BALANCED and showing thoughtfulness!

      5. WILL IT GET ME DEPRESSED? Yes, BTS gets me depressed. Actually, it’s not them. It’s me. Whenever they have such a great time and I laugh along with them, I get this longing feeling to be a part of their world and be noticed by them. Because I know how unrealistic this is and that I won’t end up in their lives, it leaves me with a feeling of emptiness and sadness. That’s when I knew I was feeling down and depressed. I wanted my life to be with theirs but it wasn’t going to happen. We know BTS had dealt with some depression because their idol life is not all fab. I know the poor boys wish they could freely and openly date or visit their family and hang out publicly without being stampede on so I’m sure sometimes they wish to be normal. And they are probably working or had already worked on their depression. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO GET RID OF MY OWN DEPRESSION?

      After asking myself the 5 questions, I then I try to think of one good reason not to reach for BTS time: such as I don’t want to waste a perfect moment of naptime or I could be learning how to cook something new.

      I WAS going to do a verse from the Bible: Philippians 4:8 where it said “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” I remember our pastor had asked us to ask ourselves these questions before doing anything questionable: “Is it true? Is it honorable? Is it pure? Is it lovely? Is it commendable? Is it excellent and worthy of praise? Then think about it!” Of course I decided not to ask myself this YET since I would end up thinking: “Hell yes, BTS is pure, true, honorable, lovely, commendable, excellent and DEFINITELY worth my attention and praise. And I think about them all the time!!!” I will wait until my mindset is more Christ-like before focusing on asking myself questions from Philippians 4:8 LOL.

      For now I will just focus on my actions as a way to show my dedication to quit Kpop. I am carrying each day with a mind made up to NOT OPEN ANYTHING ABOUT BTS. I won’t be thinking: should I watch something from BTS just for today? Nope.
      Take it day by day and tell yourself: NOT TODAY! You WILL accidentally stumble upon something BTS related because you forgot it was saved on your phone or you unknowingly clicked onto a saved linked or easily fell into your BTS routine but if it does happen….. just acknowledge it, be aware of it and then…DELETE, CLICK OUT and/or DISMISS any fangirl thoughts you may have all of a sudden. I had to breathe slowly just to calm down when I accidentally discovered a few screenshots of Jungkook saved in my camera roll. I dared to even save it! But NOT TODAY, so I deleted it and I felt a sense of empowerment. I even had trouble not going to “Koreans react to…” or “JRE reacts to” on Youtube so I had to calm down and watch something else entertaining not related to KPOP like beauty gurus.

      I deleted my Youtube account with Crack videos I worked so hard on (they each had at least 300,000 views and 400 comments each, so it WAS hard to delete them). Then I deleted my Tumblr completely, I also deleted my Instagram with all the saved pictures and videos I had of BTS. Then, at last, I deleted my fanfics I created in my asianfanfic site and then deactivated my account. Even to this day, I have a hard time not cooking up a new chapter in my head from my smut fanfics. Then I deleted all the bookmarks from my browser that had videos of BTS saved. IT WAS TOUGH!!! But each time I got rid of something, I felt a huge relief of weight off my shoulders. I felt EMPOWERMENT for my own health and life. I felt like I could breathe and was free to discover a new me somewhere out there. I had to tell myself at one point that in the end of it all, it is only hurting me. I was going nowhere better. I was stuck. BTS will one day grow older and have a family of their own before career becomes less of a priority for them. I figured I should start letting go before they move on and I remain stuck. It’s not fair for me to blame them if I end up at a point of no return. I’m also curious to see what freedom will I experience and what mindset will I be in once I am BTS/KPOP free. Will I see things more positively? Will I be cheery like J-Hope? Will I be more talented like Jungkook? Will I be more caring like Jimin? Will I be sleeping more like Suga? Will I be cooking up puns/jokes and be confident like Jin? Will I be cool like Rapmon? Will I be funny like Taehyung? Or will I be a little bit of everything until I find a perfect mixture of me? I can only find out once I learn to let go of, not BTS, but of ME so that I discover that for myself.
      :)

      IMPORTANT NOTE: No one can really stop you from liking BTS or KPOP. Ultimately, it will be you who can stop it. Your mind has to be made. VERY IMPORTANT as the mind is a powerful thing. Scientists say so and even Rapmonster agrees. I have a lot more control over my urges since it’s been years that I have been into KPOP and noticing the negatives it’s giving me. Sure, there are positives, but a lot more negatives! Also, don’t be too hard on yourself. If you lapse or end up binge watching BTS. Just slowly pick yourself up, ask yourself the 5 questions and take baby steps to finding out what is best for you. Best of luck and feel free to let me know!!! :)

  32. I’m so happy to find this post. I found BTS like a month ago and since this week I got really obsessed. I watch all their mv’s, all their video’s on photoshoots and practice etc. I completely feel like loving them so much that it hurts. I cried this whole weekend because of the fact how close they are and that I do not have such friendship in my live, which makes me really sad. Watching them makes me really happy and go into a different world for a time. But lately I’ve been experiencing the negative effects of being a fan (and I’m not even a fan for that long wth is wrong with me lol). I’m indulging myself in Korean culture – wanting to be skinny, learn everything about the culture itself and the history, wanting to dress like all the beautiful girls. These are things that I can’t do, which makes it extra hard. I’m crying as I’m writing this because I love every singel member of BTS so much, but I just can’t take it any longer. I don’t feel like studying and I neglect my schoolwork (my grades are still luckily still fine tho). I know that it is not realistic to picture myself being with them, because I’m an international fan (Netherlands) and that hurts. I also have those dreams about them and when I wake up I feel even more lonely than ever. I don’t want to stop being a fan but I am realizing that this is not good for me, I need to compensate or stop. I don’t know how I’m going through my day without all of the members smiles, J-Hope’s long-lasting positivity, Jin’s eye’s lol, Jimin’s smile, Suga’s everything, V’s facial expressions, Rap Monster’s face and Jungkook’s voice! I really need a break from all this, but the feelings im experiencing won’t let me. when I do not watch BTS I feel a constant urge to do so. I have like a major crush on all of them (which is not ok lol) but it hurts so much because I know that nothing will come of it. I just wanted to share my experience with you guys. Thank you all for sharing yours :)

    • Hello Grace! This is Lilly. I replied to this post like 3 times already, always coming back to check. If you read my story, you’ll see that I relate to you a TON. RIght now, I have stopped watching anything BTS related and deleted my instagram, Youtube and other accounts. I no longer go to Allkpop or any other site and so far I find my thoughts drifting away from BTS little by little. My thoughts are centering more on my friends, myself and family. I am beginning to find self-worth in me again. I am learning new thing about myself as well. It is tough turning away from the boys but I am not avoiding them bitterly. I know I still love BTS but at least for now, just taking a break from them. Thank you for sharing!

  33. I got here by googling “How to get over Kpop obsession.” For me, I’ve been in the fandom sorta briefly. I got into BigBang first. All the other groups sort of blended into one for me apart from BigBang. They stood out. As a group. And as individuals. BigBang was so BigBang and each individual member was so idiosyncratically himself and yet they worked in such beautiful harmony. I can remember watching their MAMA 2015 performance and being completely blown away. I loved GD. I loved the way he always changed his hair and wasn’t afraid to try out new things. I loved his nail polish and I loved his multiple dangling earrings. I was new in Kpop and it was different from anything I’d ever seen… How a man could look so feminine and yet so masculine at the same. And I loved TOP. From his head to toes. I loved him. I thought everything he did was cool and wonderful although he always seemed slightly not really *there* sometimes. I loved him.

    It made me so happy to see GD’s smile. And sometimes I would be worried about TOP, wondering if he’s fine and I would be so happy when he smiled. Every time he seemed happy and comfortable, I breathed happily.

    And then from BigBang I started listening to a lot of other Kpop. I started listening to EXO, BTS, NCT, Twice, SNSD, 2ne1, Ikon, Winner, SuJu, Shinee, Seventeen, etc, etc. They all made me so happy. Their smiles, their laughter, their ships, vapp videos, fan service.

    People would be like, “ew, so gay,” but it never bothered me. People would be like, “The Kpop industry is so evil and manufactured,” but I didn’t care.

    I thought I was a cool and chill person, in multiple fandoms. I thought I was chill. I thought I wasn’t obsessed. I watched Reply 1997 and laughed at the main character’s obsession. I would hear about how K-fans didn’t do multiple fandoms and thought that was silly because you should be able to love more than one band. But then I changed. It wasn’t a chill thing for me anymore. I was digging back years and years finding all the footages of BigBang I could find from old music shows, from old variety shows, old music videos. (And as a 9 year old group, boy, was there a lot for me to catch up on). Then, I started liking all the other groups less and BigBang was the only one left in my mind. I felt I couldn’t like anyone else apart from them. It was as if I had sworn allegiance to them. Trust me, it was weird.

    But then it grew. Now, I need help. I can’t get out of it. I’m obsessed. I used to say “I’m obsessed” in a “Ha-ha, I’m so obsessed” kind of way. But now it’s sad.

    I’m so glad I found this post. It actually talks about God. I’m a Christian too and have been praying and praying for this. Praying for God to help me out of this. I feel I’m trapped here. I know this is a problem.

    1. I think about them all the time. Even when I sleep. I dream about them. Vivid dreams. They fill my thoughts. I have so much going on in my life but I can spend hours just thinking about Daesung and how he is doing and why he isn’t on social media.

    2. They affect me too much emotionally. When TOP was in the hospital last week, I didn’t do any work at work for like 2 days. Literally. I was just googling the latest on his health. I kept saying to myself, “He can’t have tried to kill himself. It’s impossible. I love him too much. He must feel my love enough that he wouldn’t do that.” Yeah, I sound delusional. And then I cried about it. Did absolutely nothing in the office for two days.

    3. I found myself getting into fan wars. I always thought it was ridiculous and I even used to hate it when fans called BigBang “Kings” or “gods.” But then I started doing it too. Rather than just enjoy the music (which was what stood out the most to me about them at first) I became obsessed with video count views, number ones, number of awards, all kills, charts, album sales, ticket sales, and comparing BigBang to every other group. Literally. It was as if I was constantly trying to SHOW everyone that BigBang is the greatest. I made myself sick doing that. Never thought I would be that person. It got bad when I would hate any other group that achieved things BigBang hadn’t. I was jealous of BTS for getting so much recognition (and even their talent, hard work, creativity and innovation) , jealous of BlackPink for being so successful so much earlier in their career than BigBang, jealous of Twice because their video views were catching up to BigBang’s, jealous of TVXQ because people call them “Kings” and “Gods” and “Legends” like BigBang.

    4. Then I started acting entitled. Like BigBang owed me. Like I started worrying about the fact that I loved them so much. I started wondering if BigBang loved me and I cried one night because I felt that I loved them so much but they didn’t and couldn’t love me back. Like, when they released Run, BigBang Scout (a variety show they did)… it was YouTube RED. I couldn’t afford to get YouTube Red so I was angry at them because I felt that they had “been mean to me” and I loved them so much that they should have given it to me on a free rather than paid service. I just felt so angry at them for some reason.

    5. I can’t leave the fandom. A while back, I said I was going to consciously try to stop being a VIP (this was me being angry because I felt they didn’t appreciate their fans enough) and use something else to take up the spot that BigBang had in my heart. I decided I would become ARMY instead. I couldn’t. I would look at Bangtan videos and feel nothing in my heart. It was as if I was married to BigBang. It was like I had fallen in love and couldn’t let go. Like some oath or vow or promise had been pledged. I would laugh watching other videos and variety shows but there was no emotional connection. It creeped me out that people I had never known or met could have so much control over me.

    6. I expect too much of them. I expect them to be perfect. They are not. They let me down sometimes. And rather than just deal with it and move on, I always end up hating them for it then hating myself because how could I dare hate BigBang then I hate them for putting me in this position then I hate myself because I just love them so much.

    So, where am I now? I’ve unfollowed every Kpop person I used to follow on Twitter. I have unfollowed AllKpop and Soompi on FB. I have tried ticking all Kpop related video suggestion on Youtube (which is all of them, literally) as “uninterested.” I have even uninstalled Instagram because 80% of my search tab is still BigBang related posts.

    I’ve tried to uninstall V app but I haven’t had strength to. I’ve tried to unsubscribe from BigBang’s channel before but then GD has his comeback so I came back and TBH, I wake up every morning hoping he will release new MVs today. I say, “I’m so done with Kpop” multiple times a day but God knows the moment Taeyang announces a comeback or GD drops a new MV or his concert DVD I’d be back at their feet. I want to stop obsessing about them but every new GD related post or video I come across, I open it.

    I’ve tried going on pages that have content like, “Why GD is so problematic” and “Why I hate BigBang.” Just to see if these pages will help me hate BigBang and get them out of my system. But it hasn’t helped. Rather than that, it’s made me more crazy about wanting to defend everything they do. (Even things I LOGICALLY don’t agree with. but somehow, when it comes to BigBang, logic evades me.)

    When I clicked “unfollow” from TOP’s instagram account, I cried. I felt like I was letting go of a part of me.Even if I try to stop loving them I can’t. I hate the FOMO of not being among the first to know any BigBang related info or watch any video. Haha. Imagine if I was this obsessive about another group like BTS who are like the kings of SNS… Imagine how much more content I’d have to keep up with. In a way, I can’t wait for GD and Taeyang to go for military service. Maybe within those two years, I’ll learn to live without them. Oh, God, even as I’m writing this, I really don’t want to live without them deep down.

    I feel weak and helpless. I feel like I’m under a spell of loving BigBang.

    And one of my big fears is “Will I ever get over them, really?” Even if I manage to remove all BigBang things from my life now, what if six months later I’m “triggered” if I accidentally come across something related to them on the internet and then I’m at square one again.

    I care about them more than myself. I could experience a failure in my real life and I would handle it and be done with it, but I don’t think I would be able to move on if it happened to them.

    And I hate that. And I hate them for doing that to me. But also, I love them. And the worst part is I don’t know if I’ll ever be free of this. I have always loved boybands: Westlife, BSB, NSYNC, One Direction… I thought fangirling is something I would outgrow. Now, I’m 23 and it is worse than it ever was. What if I’m married and still obsessing about TOP shirtless in Tazza? What if I have kids and still talking about Seungri being a complete bias wrecker in Gotta Talk to You? What if rather than take care of my kids I watch old BigBang videos to just obsess about how cute foetus BigBang is?

    I’m going to even admit to sexually fantasising about them before and I hate it. I’m a Christian and this makes me hate myself even more. Of course there is the jealousy and bitterness I feel towards non-BigBang groups. And I hate that there is this much ugliness within me towards groups I could even hate someone who has done absolutely nothing wrong to offend me any way.

    I realise that I don’t want to love them anymore. But I don’t want to hate them as I’ve tried to before. I just want to not care too much. I want to get to that point where they are not everything to me.

    Has anyone else here gone through something similar? I just feel so horrible about this and so alone in this.

    • Hello Charis,
      I have replied to others who have commented here on this post multiple times. If you’re curious to see what I’ve said to others, just look for “Lilly” responses. I even posted a lengthy description of my dilemma. I was once SUPER obsessed with Big Bang and was a Big Bang bias “whore”, meaning my bias had changed from GD to Seungri to Daesang to Taeyang and then TOP. I HUNTED fanfic smuts of TOP and GD. It was terrible.

      At my downpoint, I was OBSESSED with BTS. It was like a chain reaction for me. I remember starting to like them in 2012. It was 2PM, then MBLAQ, B2ST. Then I would become obsessed with BLOCK B, then BAP, then BTS (when they debuted), but then I ran back to BAP, then I fell into EXO (that was a terrible time). After EXO was Got7 and then slamming right BACK to freaking BTS (hardcore slamming BACK to them).

      I had some obsessed moments with ALL mentioned groups that involved intense research, smut reading, sexual fantasizing BUT with EXO…I was head over heels for Baekhyun. I was an EXO whore back then too. It was Chanyeol, then Kai, then Lay, then Baekhyun. I remember being so angry at Baekhyun when the news broke out that he was dating Taeyeon. I was angry at Taeyeon too. I even wished their relationship would receive a ton of hate. Looking back now, I don’t even bat an eyelash for Baekhyun (because of my new obsession with BTS’ Jimin). Looking back, I feel sooo disgusted. And even in those desperate times, I knew it was not healthy but my emotions were out of my control. I felt anger and bitterness for “what Baekhyun did to me”.

      After EXO came Got7 BECAUSE of the infamous Jackson and when I saw him in “Roommate”. Bad obsession era for there too. I’m talking actually writing fanfics about him and actually getting a good number of subscribers before breaking down and deleting my account from Asianfanfics.

      BUT THEN CAME MY DEMISE. I remember fangirling for BTS. I fell out of being a fan sometime when I became obsessed with BLOCK B or BAP. I guess I was just not a big fan of BTS’ “I Need U” era. It was a different side of them that kind of had me pass them over. Before falling out of BTS, I actually made BTS Crack videos and they were quite popular on Youtube. I remember one summer being bored and decided to continue my work with BTS crack videos. I thought, “why not, I’m not obsessed with them. It’ll help to get my mind off Jackson.”

      WRONG. I was so WRONG.

      Making BTS crack videos meant going back to their bangtan videos and pretty much catching up on what I was missing. I remember thinking: OMG they are amazing how did I let them go?
      The crack videos were made and I was a crazy fan again. Thankfully, I NEVER invested in any merchandise or that would have been another terrible story.
      BUT I jumped from Rap Monster, to Jin, to V, to J-Hope, to Jimin, to Jungkook, then back to V, then back to Jungkook, then deadend to JIMIN. There. MY BIAS has been Jimin. I remember thinking who my strongest Kpop idols that absolutely had me obsessed the most and those were: Baekhyun, Jackson, and Jimin. Jimin trumps the rest. The epitome of my mind and body obsession.
      Now, Jungkook is my bias wrecker with Taehyung getting that spot every now and then.

      Like you, they were in my mind 24/7. VERY unhealthy. I thought of the person I would become once I was a wife and mother. Would I be emotionally cheating on my husband by staring at Jimin’s abs from Mama 2014? Would I be drooling over Jimin’s stares and Jungkook’s dancing in “Blood Sweat and Tears”?

      I DON’T WANT THAT TO BE ME.
      The sad thing is that I tried SEVERAL times to quit Kpop. And I don’t mean to end bitterly but just to stop watching them. It ends up making me wish I was Korean like them. But, like you said, something would trigger me back to it. It was like I was trapped in the Kpop world and would wish that I never discovered them.

      THIS time around, I deleted my Youtube account with all the crack videos. I deleted ANOTHER Asianfanfics account (I recreated one right after their “Blood Sweat and Tears” debut to write Jimin and Jungkook smut). Then I deleted my second, secret Instagram account. Pictures I saved on my phone were gone and just anything else I could think of.

      Right now, I struggle with still reading a little BTS Smut but it is a greater improvement than going to Allkpop about 6 times a day or clicking video after video for BTS. It’s a work in progress but I’m seeing improvement in my discipline as well as myself as a person.

      You are most definitely not alone and I still fear that once they debut, I might just be triggered back. But I will try my best to not even click on their videos. I need to move on.
      Thank you for sharing!

      • That’s perfect Lili! You can! Just don’t follow them, & after a while you feel that they are not important for you, they are not that gorgeous boys, they are not the thing that worth your time…
        2months ago I deleted all of TVXQ pics & videos on my gadgets…And now I’m completely clear! I’m not obsessed with TVXQ anymore :)
        And I feel good now :)

    • Hye…I can’t say that my experience has been similar as I m not a multifandom person…I was always an army,a hardcore one.I can relate so much about how much you try to move away but all it does to you is making you realize how obsessed you actually are! Especially that one group, that one group that alone is enough to destroy you.I am in a do or die condition. If I don’t quit being obsessed over BTS I ll regret it greatly later.that’s why like 2 days ago I searched ‘how to get over BTS’ and came through this article . I needed something like this as all my earlier attempts were a fail.But this article made me more firm about something.

      Important: What I always knew is that it is my life that I m living. And they are living their own. They are successful. But what am I rn.I also want success in my life. I also desire to achieve things like they all did.I have to manage the life I have in this real world and caring about them, obsessing over them ,watching their vids,their activities etc. Etc. Is not helping at all! I m proud of them but Am I proud on myself.

      All I want to say is that concentrate on your own life,be greedy, act as if you don’t care about them who don’t even know you and soon the act will turn real. Dude live YOUR life,there’s a lot around you that awaits your attention. you are also an individual, don’t forget and love yourself(pun not intended lol)

  34. I am a K-Pop fan, a multifandom, since early 2015. BTS was what made me into K-Pop, and I knew them from my cousin. I dont really remember the details, but what happened was I listened to their song I NEED U, and became a fan eversince. I had that phase, when I was really new, I was very young and i still am, but I was so childish, stupid and immature that I even swore to myself I’d die for them, I’d seriously do anything to meet them and help them. But then growing up, as time passes by, I eventually changed. I never really thought about it and change intentionally, but I eventually calmed down. I wasnt a die hard fans anymore, I wasnt that insane anymore, I guess school made me distance myself from K-Pop, and calmed myself down. But something never changed, and that is my delulu side.

    My delulu side probably started to grow since I came upon, introduced myself and ended up getting ‘addicted’ to fanfictions. It started from instagram, then to wattpad, and a little asianfanfics. I somehow always kept imagining, and never stop thinking about the possibilities of me meeting K-Pop idols, knowing them, and imagining things in millions different scenarios even imagining myself in someone else’s shoes, knowing, having the opportunity, to know them [ them ; my bias, kpop idols, and not always idols, can be korean celebrities, korean men and sometimes not always korean ], imagining myself as a kpop star, or trainee, or anything related. I would say, I am childish, fickle and unable to control myself. Me myself, is almost antisocial because you could say that my friends are only from school, yeah, I’m lonely. I suck at socializing, my social skills are worst, I’m worst at reacting to other people. I am very aware of how fickle and young I am, how I am quite unable to control myself. Therefore, I am afraid this will keep up as time passes by, and I’d still have a small circle of connection and friends, and still super bad communicating skills. I thought it was because of these public shows, public figures, that is actually affecting not just my thoughts, but social life, sleep schedules, so overall, my life. My thoughts turns into actions, actions become habits, and I’m afraid it will be part of my personality, and I’d have a big struggle, problem then. There were several times, alot of times I considered quitting K-Pop, I dont know, was it me wasnt that serious about it and didnt mean it, cause I eventually failed.

    Then I came upon this post. Right now, I am seriously considering to quit K-Pop for real. I am considering to take a break, no, to quit obsessing over Korean Idols, reading smuts ,[which I feel greatly guilty about. However, I have succeeded not reading smuts and fanfictions for 2 days so far, today is day 3. Might be small but I’m definitely making progress in quiting, going from reading it almost everyday] and fantasizing about them 24/7.

    I am very thankful you made this post. It really made me think about this seriously, having some time to pick up important things I didnt really paid attention to, and might be where I can redeem myself and have a better social life, bigger connections and bigger groups of friends.Though I dont think I’d be able to completely quit. I’d still probably watch K-Variety shows every week and a little K-Drama series here and there, because they are very entertaining and light, what I think isn’t something I’d obsess over, simply a mood boster.

    Wish me luck. I hope I’ll achieve those things I’ve been working, and some I’m going to work on. I also hope anyone having these kind of problems, obsession, and etc. and those who’s aware and also those who’s currently trying to quit, trying to ‘break up’ with K-Pop,or anything similar luck and success. <3

    • Hahah too relatable that imagination thing…I also imagine myself in different situations with k-pop stars ,thinking myself as a famous singer or being friends with them.I thought I m the only one with such creative mind lol.
      But yea all the best to both of us!:) I hope we both will be able to make out of it soon *sigh*
      I m really gonna try seriously this time…how young are you but (just curious)

  35. OMG I can literally relate to this so much!! Your experience is exactly like mine right now! I has wanted to stop this obsession so bad but it just kept coming. My life was messed up yet I couldn’t resist the temptation haizz. T.T It was so embarrassing for me to even confess this to anyone, so I did look up online to see if there is something that can help me. Then it just happened that I read your post and it helped me sooooo muchhhhh ! I know it is not easy at all but thank you for sharing this!

  36. I am an army…and I m in last year of my highschool…so you see its an important year,I have to arrange myself for a good college moreover I need to live up to other’s expectations especially mine,when it comes to studies.Yes BTS have made a better person,since known them there is no smile that’ve facked..I just…love them more than anything! All seven of them! But the problem is my grades are going down…because most of the times when I try to study it becomes impossible, 90% of my brain preoccupied with BTS,their activities, comeback, jokes etc. etc.

    Its not that I never tried to let them go from my life because it has been a long time that I’ve realised that I m obsessed..badly. And I regret all the precious time I wasted rather than using it to study. I tried few things like exiting army groups and all.I have made several attempts but I failed…I…I just can’t hate them!I’ve tried hating them but I can’t… I can’t even properly blame them coz I love the so much!!its like they live with me..all the time!!.Honestly I relate to everything mentioned in your blog except that I ve never been to their concert.And now I think its the high time.I don’t think I need to hate all I have to do is to forget them for a while…take a break…maintain distance so that I can think of them as ‘Human Biengs’
    Rn I really needed to read a blog like this…I mean Thank you so much!! I used to feel that I m the only one (a stupid one) going through such struggles… I think I know what to do now and how to do it.Thanks. I will try everything you suggested and this time I want to be back normal again.I m determined. Wish me luck.

  37. I can relate soo much.. And it’s killing me.. I’m multifandom but my ultimate group is BTS and after them there are a few other groups i stan HARD! I have been a fan of BTS since more than a year and it’s hurting me to think about this decision but I know I have to let go and focus on school. I failed this schoolyear and that made me realize that I’m literally obsessing over Kpop. I will try to stop by deleting their pictures/videos and music. I don’t know if I should delete all of my kpop songs or just have some on my phone so i can listen to them sometimes..? This post kinda made me realize the negativity in my life thank you for writing this I now can understand that it started to affect me negatively. I have to delete my twitter and unfollow all fanpages on my instagram. BUT I think I will still watch Kdramashere and there cuz I don’t want to give up my korean and kdramas help me so much! And I’m also not sure if i should completely erase kpop or if i should check on some groups sometimes (comebacks etc.) but not regularly! I hope I will get trough this. Thank you so much!

  38. This almost made me cry. In the past few months I’ve become practically addicted to watching BTS. I know that a couple of months isn’t that much, but I can feel myself sinking deeper everyday. When I read about the death of V’s grandmother, I felt depressed all day to the point where I just sat in one spot and stared out the window, hurting for him. When I read about Jimins struggles with body image I felt as if it was I that was struggling and just cried for him. It’s so unhealthy, and you’re right about the variety shows. In the beginning with the music it was fine, I liked them as enjoyed listening to their music but then I started watching their variety show appearances and shows like AHL, Rookie King, and Bon Voyage, I became truly addicted. I purposely failed one of my biggest exams of the year a few weeks ago, justifying it with stupid reasons, because I wanted to watch BTS more than I wanted to study. It’s all I bloody do now and if I don’t stop it’s going to have so many consequences. I love them so much but I know in the end I’m going to be the only injured party, so I’m going to go cold turkey. But just the thought of it is so upsetting because you adore them so much, to the point where you’re constantly daydreaming about them, making stupid fantasises of being their friend. I’ll watch them all day and at night I’ll think “what am I doing with my life, I’m going to be the worst kind of failure while they continue to succeed”. I’m rambling now, sorry.

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